Home…Is Where the Heart Is?

Sometimes I just get tired of Los Angeles. I get tired of the traffic (it takes me around 25 mins to go 6 miles), the cost of living, and even the constant sun. Sometimes I miss the cold frosty weather and changing leaves that I grew up with…the quiet and seeing the stars at night. This time of year I start to long for chilly weather and thick sweaters and boots and rainy days. A lot of the time I feel so tired, trying to keep up with work and blogging and parenting and wife-ing and cooking and and and…it all feels like so MUCH.  I start to think about what it would be like to live somewhere else, somewhere quieter and slower and easier (not to mention cheaper – thanks LA for being one of the priciest places in our nation to live. Did you know that a two bedroom 1200 sq. ft. condo that was built in the 1970s goes for upwards of $550,000? I mean INSANE ). Maybe somewhere else would be better? But the truth is that when I really start to think about it, try to picture my life somewhere outside of LA, I can not imagine living anywhere else. I’ve lived in Southern California for ten years, seven of those here in Los Angeles. I love having the beach minutes away. I love that there are juice bars and farmer’s markets and Whole Foods spread all over the city. I love (and alternately hate) how fast and impersonal everything is in this town; you can live next to people for years and never even exchange a hello. A blessing and a curse.


Last weekend we received our first ever neighborly baked goodies. Never before had any of our neighbors left anything at our front door, and I certainly have never done such a thing. This concept of neighborly baked good giving is totally foreign to me. My first thought upon seeing those cute little muffins placed on our doorstep was “OMG are they poisoned? Who did this? WHY?! What do they want?!?!”. They didn’t want anything, they were just being nice. Apparently, this is “normal” behavior. Which might also explain why I don’t think I can move anywhere else – how in the world would I fit in? I can’t imagine being one of those “cute housewives” who has her girlfriends over to watch TV shows and makes chocolate dipped pretzels covered in sprinkles for her neighbors. I still haven’t figured out how to put on lipstick without getting it on my teeth and I prefer to laze around in sweats and silence. I think that I’m probably better off in this loud, bustling, anonymous city than in some small cozy place. But I do worry about little C and how it might be for her to grow up here. I don’t particularly want to raise her in this place of constant movement and competition and craziness…but I have no idea where else I would go, where else would make sense. Maybe somewhere like Austin? What about Seattle? Somewhere that is both city and suburb, somewhere with lots of rain and cool weather and gorgeous waterways and trees. Somewhere busy enough to get lost but calm enough to be found when you want to be…somewhere that Little C can play with friends and ride bikes and maybe have some chickens – somewhere she can be a KID and experience life outside of our apartment. A place with a yard. A place with opportunities. Sometimes I think about that….but then I remember that this is home. And this is where I belong. So until further notice – LA for life.

I didn’t feel like talking fashion today – it’s Friday and I just wanted to unload all of my thoughts because by the end of the week my brain seems to be running overtime and the key to slowing it down is letting some of the thoughts out to make room for the new ones. Have any of you ever moved from somewhere you lived for a long time? Made a big change? Have you ever had the sense of just knowing where you belong? What did it feel like? I want to know where home should be, but I’m not sure how to make that happen. And that being said…happy Friday, my loves. Enjoy your families and pumpkins and weather 😉